My Philosophy in Life

This is the root of the person I am and want to be.

Remember to stay calm, unbiased, ruthless, and look for the larger picture. It is hard to put words into all the places that emotions take us; no man is free who is not a master of himself. I try to think of my principles more often than I breathe. What man is rich? He who is content. The point is, I will hold to my story, for it is mine and nobody else’s.

Yesterday I was clever, so I worked to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.

Rumi

Who I am trying to be

I am a Giver, a Creator, and an Enthusiast. I need to be adept at developing positive relationships, seeking compromise, harmony, and alignment; I need to stay in touch with people’s emotions, needs, and values. Diplomacy matters more to me than being blunt or hurtful. Most people excuse bluntness as brutal honesty; I would rather listen more than I talk, absorb a situation from more than one point of view, and bridge differences without judging or criticizing.

I try to focus on solutions, and to deliver any help without needing admiration or respect in return. Stay curious; experiment with mixing different sets of ideas; be comfortable with the unknown and with failures. They are an inevitable part of life, and they are opportunities to learn.

The giver side has a cost. I do not always state my own opinions forcefully enough; I can lean on compromise as if it were always the ideal; people who are less giving can take advantage of that. I know this, and I still choose to be this kind of person.

Nature

Marcus Aurelius put the first two rules simply.

The first rule is to keep an untroubled spirit. The second is to look things in the face and know them for what they are.

The things of this world exist; they are; you cannot refuse them. I am flawed. So is everything under scrutiny. Don’t bother about being perfect.

Life cannot be controlled. Good and bad are relative. Shit happens; things just happen, they don’t need a reason. Accidents happen; mistakes happen, both from me and from others. Things don’t happen for me or for anyone else.

You cannot get happiness from anything outside you. There is no way to be purely logical; we are all passionate creatures, and it is better to know this than to presume absolute control and suffer in hindsight. Do not take anything too seriously. I will fail, and that’s okay. Everything is an opinion. I want to be dependable, honest, and fair; not a slave of my baser emotions, and not a person whose opinions are slaves to my whims.

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How I want to move

I am going to be true to myself and act in a manner that shows I am amenable, trustworthy, dependable, truthful, kind, and graceful in my responses. I will remember that I won’t always be right, valued, happy, validated, or acknowledged. I will continue to act in my decided manner no matter the result, not for anyone else but for myself.

I wish to have my own respect first. Having another’s respect is not the goal. I will not showcase or praise myself, give justifications, or compete; I will let my actions speak, not my words. I will weigh the information I have before I decide, stand by that decision as mine, apologize when I am wrong, and give credit without waiting to be monitored. I will take no unnecessary burdens; I will learn to let things stand.

Every interaction is a transaction. An interaction is positive when everyone involved comes away feeling positive. Some people always strive for highly unequal transactions, high positivity for themselves; I avoid those people. By default I assume the best of the other person until they prove otherwise. I should always pay attention to the actions of people, not their words; people have false ideas about their own character, and many embellishments. Their actions always speak true.

Pause, and take at least five seconds to process any question asked of me. Do not share more information than absolutely necessary. Silence is safer than speaking. People will never have exactly the same set of values as you; I should not change my opinions just to fit in, unless it would cause harm. Listen to understand, not to respond; most people are not looking for advice, they just want to talk. I don’t have to win. Winning is an accepted addiction; when with others, look for collaborative gains.

How I keep it in mind

Meditation is the brain’s version of brushing teeth. Any activity I undertake with the intent of improving certain parts of the mind is a meditation: repeating my nature so it stays at the front of thought, mindfulness, gratitude, a body scan.

I have ADHD, and that has needs: constant stimulation, excitement, a change of pace, creating rather than following. When I am feeling off, I check sleep, water, food. Be present and limit the number of inputs. Being alone is not something to fear. I do not need anyone else to complete me.

I should review these goals often enough that I know where every thought came from, and why. Memento mori: remember death. Carpe diem: seize the day. We are all human. There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so; everyone, given any situation, always does what they think is best for themselves and those they care for. I cannot always be strong, and that is okay.

Every thought walks a path. If the path has no destination, either you are discovering something new or wasting time, and it is mostly the latter. I am not the best at anything; I am not the worst either. Everyone is good at something.

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A guide, not a law

Everything I am planning out is a guideline on how I should think, behave, react, and interact. It is not a rule-book. Real life is far too complex, and there are way too many variables to waste time trying to live in one specific way. Make mistakes, live, don’t fret; in a millennium neither I nor anything about me would exist.

Every mind is unique; we each go mad in our own unique ways. Pain is different for everyone. Misery is not a competitive sport.

But in the end one needs more courage to live than to kill himself.

Albert Camus, A Happy Death

No one, no matter the intent, will ever fully understand you. Experiences are subjective. Someone else understanding our pain might feel like a burden lifted, when it is only camaraderie, a feeling of belonging.

There is finite time. It is the highest value resource. Whenever possible I have to check if I am spending it in the best way possible.

Need little. Want less. Forget the rules. Be untroubled.

To bear and not to own. To act and not lay claim. To do the work and let it go; for letting it go is what makes it stay.

Don’t fool yourself. Nothing is ever truly finished.